As usual .. after coll drive back.. put my bag aside.. take bath n sleep... I feel the noon-nap is very important for me ... is like recharging me after coll n giv me energy to do work at nite.. If dun get enuf sleep... is hard to concentrate at nite work(dun think other work.. is homework n revising)..
Today my area got dat ghost festival "celebration".. those auntie like to go thr pray for the "ghost king".. n after dat thr ar alot of program... seems like thos traditional drama( those tok tok chiang) .. some out-dated singer com perform.... this is the yearly event.. every year the same.. i feel it is very sien....
My mom.. as usual a auntie... like to go this place.. she go thr with her frens.. every year she enjoy .. It is no point for me to stop her if she enjoy.. but i can choose to not going.. this year also .. i am not gonig n i am alone at home... after i wake up from my nap.. thr ar no 1 at home liao.. I hav kau tim my dinner myself.. although i hav car downstair.. but lazy to go out la... then i go clubhouse thr eat my dinner lo( is not wat high class clubhouse ... is juz a mamak ..) I sit thr order 1 "teh "o" ice limau" n "nasi goreng kampung"....
While waiting for my nasi goreng.. i saw my old school mate... she is a malay gurl.. she used to be my classmate also...she juz live at 2nd floor.... I saw her .. but i din say hi or anything... n she also "pretend" din see me.. oh god.. we ar classmate be4 man.. Is it i shub be gentlemen n juz say hi to her... oh damn,, she also alone.. sit aside alone.. i also alone.. actually we can sit together n enjoy our dinner as a fren...
This is my atitude... my weakness.... my social skill is not gud.. with guy i am more than perfect.. but with gurl... i am suck ... i am coward.. so when secondary time.. my ten finger is more than enuf to count for my female fren... I know my weakness.. but ... still keep it.. not thinking to improve.. or maybe i am scare.. Sad... this atitude make me now still alone.. din hav any gurlfren b4.. watching 1 n 1 of my fren get couple.. n i am still.... I always also jelous my fren dat hav his gurlfren change n change everytime.. But .. wat to jelous.. becos i am not working......
I canot continue ard.. if not.. i will really cry out(not cry with tears la.. is juz should out)..... maybe after reading this... u will scold..." this guy a.. u coward... juz blame urself la...".. i am blaming myself ...haihz.... This is juz my personal feeling.. if u can read it n juz forget it.. i am juz expressing my feeling at this time...( sad story always no end 1.. dun ask for a ending...) I hope i hav a happy ending.....
2 comments:
Hmm... nvm... Having gf wastes tonneZzz of money lor!!! Imagine u hav to split ur pocket money into 2 and just having half of them... Aiks... poor...
wah..self esteem problem..next time u see a girl you know just say hi lo..must be thick face abit...must recognise the rule that guys must say hi to girls 1st and not the other way round. well..its usually like that. double standard
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